


Sparkles and Spangles

by dgdreamer



Series: The End is the Beginning [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Golf, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, clint barton is a troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 19:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17412656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgdreamer/pseuds/dgdreamer
Summary: Lauren is assigned a mission, but can her dignity handle it? Not at all if Clint and Tony have anything to say about it. The results may expand SI's market, and start something that might take awhile to finish.





	Sparkles and Spangles

**Author's Note:**

> This bit of ridiculousness came to me while I was playing a round of golf with the hubby. It's all fluff, with a tiny bit of helpful Tony. 
> 
> Again, I'm setting up something here [rubs hands with glee] 
> 
> ... I hope this makes you laugh as much as I did when I was planning it on the links.

It wasn’t often that Lauren was used for an op, but it did happen occasionally. Her first mission with Natasha was an anomaly. It was supposed to be simple, almost a vacation, and it wasn’t until secrets were revealed that things went sideways. She supposed she could have expected it, she knew that her little outburst with Agent Wonderboy would gain her more than the lecture on professionalism and composure that Coulson had delivered so expertly. She expected further retribution to come in the form of something that held far less of an opportunity to enjoy herself, in spite of the company she would be forced to keep and the cover she would be forced to use. The folder she found lying on her desk outlined what could be considered a reward by many, a rare opportunity to get a taste of normal life with very little risk involved, but Lauren was wiser and more experienced than most.

The assignment required her to be part of a security detail, not something she normally did, but it was for a woman she had worked with in the past, and the situation called for her to be hidden in plain sight. Lauren glanced at the flyer announcing the charity golf tournament that she was now signed up to play in. She had done this kind of thing before, posing as a rich friend who had more money than brain and wanted to be seen “giving” to the less fortunate while showing off on the links. Of course, with the people who would be in attendance, the venue would be secured; she would just provide an up-close and personal layer of protection to the potential target, the wife of an executive and major political player whose actions had attracted a significant level of negative attention.

Sighing a bit, Lauren continued reading the details of her assignment, worrying her lip with her teeth as she thought about how quickly she was going to need to brush up her skills. She hadn’t played the game in years; it was just another aspect of her former life that she had peeled away. _“Good thing they’ve got somebody getting me equipment,”_ she thought, _“I haven’t owned clubs in years and I don’t think my SHIELD uniform is going to blend in very well.”_ That was the punishment, she was sure! The clothes… she hoped like hell that SHIELD would provide them, the alternative was just to terrible to imagine. She would never be able to hold her head up in the building again.

A few hours later, Lauren had been outfitted with everything she needed and was standing in a corner of the gym where an indoor golf simulator had been installed. She was dressed in one of the outfits that had been delivered to her apartment, glad that she wasn’t visible from the door while in the simulator. She wanted to get in some swings dressed as she would be during the tournament, just to see if there were any potential wardrobe problems as early as possible. Dear Thor, she hoped there would be, so she could order something else. She took a few shots to warm up, forgetting herself a bit as she started to feel the rhythm and stretch, remembering the correct form. Soon she was hitting fairly accurate, but not particularly lengthy drives, feeling that she wouldn’t embarrass herself too much with her ability. As she moved to pull another club from the bag that almost matched her outfit, she was startled to hear a voice behind her.

“Never took you for the country club sort,” Clint snorted taking in her multi-hued golf ensemble, “you’re full of surprises.”

“I’m training for an op… and I didn’t choose the wardrobe. I forgot how much Janice likes dressing like a bowl of rainbow sherbet, and she insists we match. I may need to live in my uniform for a month, so we can all forget we ever saw this.” Lauren grimaced as she looked down at herself. Pink was the dominant color, but green, blue, yellow, and lavender also swirled within the pattern of her snugly fitting sleeveless golf dress. Hiding a weapon in this was going to require all of the creativity she and Natasha could summon.

“So, let me guess, this weekend your name is Phoebe or Buffy or… no… it’s Bunnie, isn’t it? Who did you piss off? You need to make it up to them quick!” Clint was almost doubled over with laughter now. “Is your brain supposed to resemble cotton candy like your clothes. Can you even play ditsy?”

“Laugh it up, Barton,” Lauren warned. “I have access to the video from your stint as a drag queen. How much mileage would Stark get out of seeing you lip-sync to “It’s Rainin’ Men” dressed in white sequins?” She threw her hands on her hips, shaking them for emphasis.

“Did I hear someone take my name in vain? And how have I not heard this story?” Tony entered the room then, lured by the sound of Clint’s continued howls of laughter. He stopped when he saw Lauren, smirking as he looked her up and down, studying her appearance. To his credit, he tried not to laugh, but failed miserably. “Ouch! Did a unicorn throw up on you? All you’re missing are the sparkles… please, tell me there are sparkles.”

Clint indicated the golf bag. It matched the pattern of her dress, with the addition of sparkling crystal trim and straps to decorate it further. They both continued to laugh uncontrollably. Finally, Tony managed to pant, “How could anyone think that is fashionable?” he motioned back and forth between her person and the offending equipment.

“I’ll answer that with two words… Janice Sinclair.” Lauren’s words carried all the meaning in the world for Tony, who had known the woman for most of his adult life. She was, of course, connected to the Maria Stark Foundation and various other charities he supported.

“That explains everything,” he stated simply, finally gaining control of himself. “My sympathies to your wardrobe and self-respect. How can a woman that genuinely nice do that to someone?” he pointed at her again for emphasis.

Lauren had had enough of the conversation. “Well, if you ‘gentlemen’ have had enough fun at my expense, I need to get back to it. The outfit is bad enough, I can’t afford for my game to be equally as embarrassing.” She turned back toward the screen and the projected image of a fairway and lined up her shot. The ball thwacked into the padded screen and it’s digital copy landed and rolled just to the right of center. When Lauren turned for another ball, she noticed Tony holding one of her clubs, fingering the head a bit with a thoughtful look.

“You know, I’ll bet I can fabricate you some clubs that will give you more distance and accuracy… and,” he raised a finger to stop her from speaking when she would have interrupted, “…and I will do it with regulation materials - yada, yada, yada. Can’t have you embarrass yourself out there any more than you already will be in that get up, and getting you disqualified would be bad too.” He never raised his eyes from the club he was still inspecting. He absently began moving toward the door, staring straight ahead as if seeing his potential creation taking shape in his mind. As he walked he mumbled, “Come down to the lab in a few hours and I should have something.” Before Lauren could object, he was gone.

A low whistle broke Lauren from her stare in the direction of the door. “Dang, he’s making you toys now, too! Welcome to the family!”

“Thanks, Clint. I think.” Lauren muttered.

 

* * *

 

                                                                                          

“C’mon Pep, did you see what happened out there? My clubs are amazing… of course they are, I designed and fabricated them… okay, FRIDAY helped, but I created FRIDAY… so I’m more of a genius. It’s an opportunity. A market we haven’t tapped yet. I know… yes… okay… but…” Tony stopped, huffing into the phone. “Will that be all, Ms. Potts?” He waited for the response before hanging up.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, here’s SHIELD’s first lady of the links, and back in black, I see!” Tony clapped his hands as Lauren, wearing her customary SHIELD suit, stepped off the elevator, entering the common room. “My clubs looked great out there!”

“Thanks, Stark – they swung themselves and everything.” Lauren rolled her eyes at him.

“Aw, don’t be like that. You did good, too. You should be nicer to me, Sparkles; my clubs improved your game by 32%.”

“Yeah, Stark, but you didn’t need to broadcast the entire tournament throughout the building. I’m never going to be able to live that down… and don’t call me Sparkles.” Lauren moved past him into the room.

“Hey, maybe you and Cap should take your show on the road… Sparkles and Spangles… you could do some appearances, a song and dance…” Tony stopped when she turned to glare at him.

“Thank you for the clubs, they were perfect and might actually make me forgive you a little bit for sharing my humiliation… you might be 14% forgiven,” Lauren gave him a half-smile.

“I think we can use that to start negotiations, but I need to point out that your game made your costume a little less humiliating, so 28%?” he aimed his wide brown eyes in her direction, batting his long lashes at her.

“But you called me Sparkles in front of Clint, which is something he won’t forget, so that means I have something else to be upset with you about. I’m thinking you’re more like 22% forgiven.” She finally smiled fully at him.

“I can work with that.” The ringtone on his phone interrupted them. “Pep! Did you have time to think about what I said… don’t worry about the board. They’ll love it if we can show them it’ll make money… and I already have our celebrity endorsers… Sparkles and Spangles…” he winked at her broadly as he walked away still talking.

“Damn it, Stark! I swear I’ll bedazzle your Audi if you mention that one more time!” Lauren threatened. Tony threw his hand up, spinning his wrist as if to say… “Go ahead… Game on!” 

The prank war that ensued would have made Loki proud.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know about anyone else, but I would love to have some Tony Stark golf clubs. Iron Man Red, please :-) 
> 
> The outfit and bag described here were inspired by something I found while shopping for golf clothes online. It really did look like a unicorn threw up on the model. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed... please leave Kudos and Comments... they make my heart happy.


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